There are currently 33 deceased Mole targets. That leaves 1 targets alive but very badly burned.
I'm keeping running track of the score in the log so check there if you want to see who got points for stuff.
At 1:00 a.m. Tuesday Morning (10-24), Team Little Girl drew first blood in this year's game of Alley Assassin. Laura Elliott and Christina Telles distracted Glenn Jones with their feminine wiles, luring him into an evil Spoon Trap (Bicycle Variation). As Christina questioned Glenn about a homework set, Laura deftly placed a spoon in his bike spokes. Seconds later Glenn's bike was a heap of scrap metal and Chester lost a target.
At approximately 8:00 a.m. Tuesday Morning (10-24), Randy White (target at large) was cruelly assassinated by his own alley! As he left his room, he thoughtlessly left his door open, allowing Brian Bairstow entry into Randy's inner sanctum. A simple Coke-Cereal Bomb (involving – guess what! – a Coke can on a box of cereal) behind his slightly open door was all it took to bring the Blue Haired Menace down for good.
At 1:00 p.m. Tuesday Afternoon (10-24), Elliott Karpilovsky kicked the bucket when, despite seven attempts at shaking a potential bomb on his door loose by his roommate and himself, died of Miracle Push Pins. Nathan Sheetz' intelligent box o' pins knew to lay in wait for Elliott to turn the door handle himself and walk inside before striking. Elliott and Adam were no match for the bomb's naturally high I.Q. and devious cunning.
At approximately 5:00 p.m. Tuesday Afternoon (10-24), Nick Knouf was brutally murdered by his Veeply partner Tory Sturgeon while setting up the Dress Dinner reception. Nick, lacking paranoia since he didn't know he was a target, ventured into the Soc Team Closet unaware of the fate that would befall him. Door-mounted windchimes sounded his death as Vatican pulls in a Chester kill.
At Dress Dinner (~7:30 p.m.) Tuesday Evening (10-24), Mike Davenport died from excessive competiveness and a weak bladder. He writes of his demise:
'Despite being severely paranoid (i.e. having people open the washer and dryer as well as my door for me) my competitive nature got the best of me... that and my bladder. So during dinner after some talk of being paranoid and assasins in general Steve Thrasher (totally apart from the bombing attempt) brought up the fact that there was a history of roll eating contests at dress dinner and a record that stood at 11 or 12 rolls in one dress dinner (along with salad, dinner and desert). I, being a competitive type, decided to make a run for it and began consuming a large number of croissants and with that alot of coke. Eventually after nine rolls and a decent steak and potatos, and several glasses of coke I heard nature calling. Upon assuring the table it was only the coke that was getting to me I got up. Upon returning I was completely set on the rolls and oblivious to assasains and the fact that I knew Dan had the mercury switch bomb on his person. So when I pulled out my chair the bomb (provivded by Dan and placed by Christian) tipped and went off promptly killing me and my desire to break the aforementioned record. Not only am I dead but I only managed 10 rolls without and dessert either.'
At 8:30 p.m. Tuesday Evening (10-24), Sean Szeja joined the ranks of the deceased when Jimmy Worcester's spur of the moment gambit succeeded, killing him instantly. Jimmy writes:
'Sean died earlier today (Tuesday, sometime between 7:00 and 8:00) in a case of repeatedly insufficient paranoia. I placed some coins and a note (it was kind of a spur of the moment thing and some pocket change was all I had on me) in his physics book carelessly left in the lounge, on the hope that physics would kill him. However, nothing happened when he moved his stuff to the courtyard. Then, again being overly trusting, he went up to his room, leaving his stuff in the courtyard. Noticing the lack of reaction and figuring sean was still alive, I moved the bomb from french to his binder. Apparently it worked the second time around, as I was later greeted by "Jimmy!!... ", and then informed that the bomb had worked and Sean was among the deceased.'
At 8:15 p.m. Tuesday Evening (10-24), Kirsten Welge died a gruesome and bubbly death. She writes:
'After exactly 20 hours of paranoia and the constant wariness of my roommate, I'd walked into the room, where Andrea was already sitting at her computer. Thinking to check my email, I leaned upon the back of the chair to reach the computer, when a small "pop" came from the chair leg. On guard moments too late, we knelt to discover four bubbles from plastic packing bubble sheets, carefully taped to the undersides of the legs of my chair, and a strip of paper along the bottom of the chair rung: "To Kirsten From Sam [Lindsay-Levine] Happy Birthday". And the first of the two Cannes targets bites the dust...'
At ~10:00 p.m. Tuesday Evening (10-24), the bonus target Dave Tytell was murdered by Jeff Blackburne and Brian Bairstow, while idly doing journalistic things like editing in the PC Lab. Dave, totally focused on his work, failed to notice anything awry, while for 45 minutes Jeff and Brian waited nearby at different computers, on the edge awaiting detonation of the Dew Bomb (a mountain dew can behind Dave's chair) they had placed. When Dave, remembering that he didn't know who these other people were, spun around to introduce himself, the bomb when flying into a wall. He rose to retrieve it and saw the note. As I learned long ago, you can't be too paranoid when doing editing on a computer.
At 11:15 p.m. Tuesday Evening (10-24), Afie Abidi fell prey to the second in master-crafted Dew Bombs. She writes:
'I just got assassinated by Mike and Brian from Hell. I thought I was being cautious enough, remembering to lock my door and all, but as I was taking a long crap in the bathroom across the hall from my room, Brian and Mike were planting a surprise for me. After finishing my business in the potty, I walked to my door, punched in my combination and stepped into my room--and right on a mountain dew "can" (it had been stripped of top and bottom, so they were able to slip it under my door and into my room) with a note saying "The coke can strikes again! To Afie, with love from Mike and Brian. Go Hell!" A few seconds later, Brian came by and I lovingly called him a bastard. Bastard.'
At 12:30 a.m. Wednesday Morning (10-25), Teo Beloreshka's spying was her undoing. Fred Romberg, noting her presence, left a little surprise for her naughty spying. He writes:
'I'm getting ready to go to bed and hear Teo's voice out in the Marks hallway. Long story stort...I tape an electronic bomb (with each of our names on it) to my screen door only five inches away from her face while she's watching me, step back and wait for her to come in uninvited...and of course she does. :) So how good is that...she comes over to spy and gets bombed.'
Turnabout is fair play. At 8:00 a.m. Wednesday Morning
(10-25), Fred Romberg dies. The price of his life? 3¢.
He writes:
'Damn, I let my guard down this morning...opened my car door and found three lame-ass pennies drop to the ground. I thought I had dropped some change until I saw the friendly death note from Krista... :)'
[kindly written by the scourge of the seven alleys, the Dread Pirate Blackburne]
At 9:05 a.m. Wednesday morning (10-25), Jeff
Blackburne (Hell) fell victim to Will Heltsley (Cannes), who caught
the watchful Hellions off-guard with a pile of miscellaneous junk set up next
to Jeff Blackburne's door and tied to the doorknob. As luck would have it, not
only did none of the groggy frosh notice it on their way to class, but Jeff's
paranoia proved momentarily insufficient and he unwisely chose to open his own
door without help. Exit one hells'more.
At 1:30 p.m. Wednesday Afternoon (10-25), Jason Raycroft entered the Bongar Zone and died instantly. Or rather, Adam's bomb did the killing, once the target was lured out from his room by said assassin. Note: Adam Bongarzone has used up his suicide bombing.
'Got another incident for you: Today at approx. 1:30 PM, Jason Raycroft had his life taken. During lunch, Eli told me that Jason's door was unlocked (not much use in installing a Medeco if you don't use it...) so after I knew his roommate Matt had gone to CS, I went up to plant a bomb in his room. Cannes was quiet that day... all doors in the frosh hall were closed. The only sound was an alarm coming from Jason's room. So I knew I couldn't go in there anymore. I took a whiteboard from the wall, and leaned it against his door, and put some soda cans in between the whiteboard and door. I left my note, admired my handiwork, and retreated to my underground lair to await news of his demise. I was on my computer, and noticed that Jason was on AOL IM. So, I started talking to him, to see if I could subtly lure him out (I'm impatient). Alas, he was just too paranoid:
<note: I'm FizratS13>
JasonRaycroft: This is the most embarrasing thing.
JasonRaycroft: I dont think I can get out of my room
FizRat S 13: heh you gonna wait for someone to open it for you?
JasonRaycroft: You can if you want.
JasonRaycroft: Yeah, I'm way too paranoid.
FizRat S 13: heh probably
FizRat S 13: of course... i have no reason to save you really
FizRat S 13: but since i'm so nice, i'll be up after i finish downloading this stuff
FizRat S 13: i think i'd get some points that way
JasonRaycroft: Thank you so much.
JasonRaycroft: Yeah, you can probably get points for defusing a bomb.
JasonRaycroft: +5 to tunnel and probably -5 to hellSo, I went up to Cannes, and found that one of my cans had fallen. I picked it up, and tapped his door with it, saying "Yeah, it was probably Hell, it's Coke cans. It's defused now." He opened up his door, and the whiteboard slid down, hurling the other explosive soda can to his floor, killing him instantly.'
At 5:30 p.m. Wednesday Afternoon (10-25), Tory Sturgeon stabbed her friend Stephen Thrasher in the back after doing some homework with him. Thrasher stepped into the Kremlin shower to be greeted by a Paper Cup Coin Bomb, which killed him instantly. The moral here is don't tell anyone who you think is a friend anything about where you're going. Especially not that you're planning on taking a shower.
[written by the twin duo of destruction mentioned herein]
At Dinner at Ruddock (~6:30 p.m.) Wednesday evening (10-25),
Sam Lindsey-Levine was killed by Merc Chasman and Jeff Fonck.
When Sam left the table to get some food that was not composed of dead animals,
the perpetrators attatched an innocent-looking black thread to his chair leg.
When he returned, he tripped the thread, which was, unfortunately for him, also
attatched to an old-shcool TFM cup full of assorted eating utensils, and a note
reading:
...you can never be too paranoid.
* * * You Have Died * * *
Target: Sam you am
Assassins: Merc "The Mongoose" Chasman and Jeff "The Cobra" Fonck
On Wednesday evening/Thursday afternoon (10-25/26),
Christina Telles lost her life as a stunt involving three competing
assassins (Dan Fabrycky/Clayton Featherstone and Sarah Warren)
ended in her dying instantly.
She writes:
Last night was apparently very busy in Munth 5. Knowing that both Laura and I would be engaged for the night at the Foam Dance Party in Hollywood, Sarah Warren decided to set a variation of the classic Hell bomb - Death by DIET coke <boo>. However, Clayton Featherstone ruined her lame but well-set trap. Not knowing that I'm either too lazy on not paranoid enough to lock my door, he pulled a maneuver involving the gas grill outside our balcony that would get him in to the room. Once inside, I assume he defused the diet coke, and decided to place his mercury tilt bomb in my can of hair pomade. Dan also, for some reason unknown to me, left behind a rather large black golfing glove. I probably should have been more suspicious of that...anyhow, today my disdain for physics caused me to go into a cleaning frenzy, which ultimately meant moving the pomade and setting off the bomb. Frankly, I don't see how a guy in anal phys would know how to rig this sort of thing...ahh, well. Another one bites the dust.
At 2:00 a.m. Thursday Morning (10-26), Yussanne Ma fell for the oldest trick in the book - a bomb in the shape of her own teddy bear! Will Heltsley and Kirsten Welge laid the bomb for Yussanne by tying a Coke can filled with change to the back of the bear, so when she picked it up to hug it good-night, it killed her instantly.
At 9:30 p.m. Thursday Evening (10-26), Merc Chasman brutally killed Jeff Fonck with his own hubris. Apparently, the two were working on Ma108 in the Fleming Lounge, when Merc put a bomb in her notebook. Jeff avoided picking it up, but then believing that Merc might think he had placed his own bomb inside, picked it up to prove otherwise and died instantly. The note read:
Sometimes too much homework can be dangerous.
* * * You have died * * *
Target: Jeff "the Cobra" Fonck
Assassin: Merc "the Mongoose" Chasman
At 10:15 p.m. Thursday Evening (10-26), Mark Barrett narrowly averted death at the hands of Yussanne Ma, only to slip into the deadly fingers of Greg West. The first bomb, a nifty light-activated device, failed to gain the attention of Mark and his guests when they entered the room after dinner. The second, a Door Change Bomb, was definitely the lamer of the two, ended up killing Mark despite his and Afie's attempts to sweep the room for devices.
At Dinner Friday Evening (10-27), Clayton Featherstone utilized wacky antics and a wide-brimmed hat to lure Minta Akin into a deadly trap. Go Chester indeed. Note: Clayton Featherstone has used up his suicide bombing.
Tonite I wore a nice wide brimmed hat to dinner. I proceeded to throw rolls at Minta and, in general, annoy her. After several taunts, she finally came over and did something about it: yoinked the hat! Unfortunately for her, there was a tilt sensor in the hat. Poor Minta. Poor fool! End result: one more kill for Dan and Clayton. Go Chester!
At 12:01 a.m. Sunday Morning (10-29), Robin Friedman made the mistake of opening his car without first checking it for bomb-like devices. Upon opening the door, he was startled by a buzzing noise in place of his normal overhead light. Boom.
At approximately 4:00 a.m. Sunday Morning (10-29), Ayeh Bandeh-Ahmadi finally succumbed to the Great Beyond when the now-infamous Glow-in-the-Dark Star Bomb (deftly placed by Rebecca Flint and Jian-Yuan Thum) killed her instantly. Despite efforts by her and friend Mike Massey to discover devices in the room, they failed to notice the harmless-looking stars placed above her bed. Finally, Ayeh turned out the light and climbed into bed to find the glowing stars staring at her, echoing her death.
At 7:00 a.m. Sunday Morning (10-29), Ben Granett awoke to the evil bark of a Ninja Dog Bomb, a cleverly placed electronic barking sound box placed deep within his pillow. The bomb was placed by Jeff Blackburne, Rebecca Flint and Yussanne Ma. Probably should have closed that window, eh Ben?
On Tuesday Afternoon (10-31), Steve Mueller, due partially to a lack of knowledge of having been signed up as a target in the first place, dies when he receives a Mail Bomb from Merc Chasman. The note aptly read:
...Alley Assassin Targets should be more paranoid.
* * * You have died * * *
Target: Steve Mueller
Assassin: Merc "The Mongoose" Chasman
At approximately 3:00 p.m. Wednesday Afternoon (11-1), Sarah Warren, mistakenly believing that luck as an apathetic target was with her, died from Nate Sheetz's signature Pants Change Bomb. Well, not quite signature, but whatever.
At 3pm on Wednesday, November 1st, I was doing laundry, and I happened to see Nathan Sheetz in the laundry room, also doing laundry. As I was putting clothes in the dryer, it occurred to me that he could easily bomb me as he saw which dryers I was using (I well remembered how Hell got Faith last year); but when I retrieved my clothes at 4pm I figured that sloppiness and general apathy as a target had gotten me this far, so I did not make a Tunnel resident search every single piece of clothing. The result of this was that when I got back to my room, and was sorting my clothes, I first heard, then found, a little plastic container of coins inside the pocket of my newly cleaned jeans, with a note signed N6.
At Dinner Wednesday Evening (11-1), Tory Sturgeon was eliminated by the quick-thinking Colin Rundel, with minor help from Jeff Fonck and Merc Chasman. Who's the 80-foot tall metal Judicat0r now? Not I... not I... Colin reports:
Tonight Tory was killed at dinner by a deftly placed knife wrapped with a napkin on the bottom of her chair. Yes, I know how lame the bomb was but we didn't have much time. The co-conspirators in this enterprise being Fonck and Merc who weaseled their way onto the note by threatening to disarm the bomb.
At approximately 7:00 a.m. Thursday Morning (11-2), Jesse Pino's reign of terror was stopped via a Sleigh Bell Bomb laid by social assassin Serina Diniega. For the record, the Judicat0r would like to say that there's absolutely nothing wrong with Door-Tape Bombs, contrary to what Jesse seems to be saying here. Sheesh.
Well, I bit the bullet. Serina got me with the same door (sleigh) bells this morning. I was sorta expecting it, but I was really beyond caring. I opened the door to the jingling sound of death. Shouldv'e gone out the window, I guess. At least the frosh will leave me alone now. It's a pretty lame way to go, but at least it's not tape on the inside of my door!
At approximately 11:20 a.m. Saturday Morning (11-4), Merc Chasman fell prey to Krista Ehinger's machinations. A Buzzer Bomb attached to her door did the dastardly deed, killing Merc instantly. She writes:
I met my fate at the hands of Krista at approximately 11:20 AM Saturday morning. Usually, I unlatch the door and let the cats I'm taking care of open it for me the rest of the way, but both of them had spent the night terrorizing Fleming rather than staying in my room. My guard was further lowered by my lack of sleep the night before (silly Darbs...). But in any case, I died of a rather stupid lapse of my usual paranoia, because when I opened the door, I felt some resistence. So instead of being smart and examinging the door, I was stupid and pulled harder. And died, because that pulled a slip of paper out from between two contacts, setting the buzzer off.
At approximately 4:00 p.m. Sunday Afternoon (11-5), Teo Beloreshka killed Fred Romberg. 'Nuff said.
I set a bomb, a bunch of wooden sticks proped against the screen door of Fred's apartment in Marks. His loyal austrian friends defused it and all of them came down to blacker to "humiliate" me:-). I challenged them to a game of premier soccer and we all went to Marks to play. As usuay I intruded in Fred's place and while he and his friends were watching TV and I was "getting" water, I opened the screen of the windows in his living room. Right after they left for dinner I climbed in from the window and set up two bombs and a few non-bombs just for amusement. One of the bombs was a few stones in his towel in the bathrooom and the other one was a lot o M&Ms in his TV remote control. Apparently according to his own words he was killed with both within minutes of each other...So Fred is dead and I can get back to normal life. How many bombs did it take me? 5,6...I can't quite remember!
At approximately 4:45 p.m. Wednesday Afternoon (11-8), Maki Hattori died when she, knowest to her but also knowest to assassins Merc Chasman and Krista Ehinger, was packing for her move to Chester. Warning: Merc "The Mongoose" Chasman is now a Master Assassin. She writes:
Curse Housing. I was packing cause we're moving to Chester and opened a drawer meet my death by the hands of merc and krista. A little buzzer located in my drawer. I guess this solves the problem of whether or not I become a Chester target after I move or not.
At approximately 4:45 p.m. Wednesday Afternoon (11-8), master assassin Laura Chasman died when she learned the misvalue of trust. Or was it the value of mistrust? Whatever. Note: Merc "The Mongoose" Chasman is now Lame. She writes:
As of Monday night, 11 PM, I, Merc Chasman, through a series of rather foolish mistakes on my part, became Lame. Maki's roomate Elisabeth had forgotten to take the carpet cleaner she'd left me when I was taking care of her cats, which she now needed desperately, and since both of them were too lazy do come pick it up, I was forced to venture out of the safety of my room. Mistake #1.
I went over to Blacker and found someone to walk with me. We arrived at their apartment, and, as I'd been too busy being paranoid for my safety in a non-alley-assasin way (I was rather apprihensive about walking alone late at night), I forgot to be paranoid with respect to alley assassins. Mistake #2.
The door was ajar when I got there, but didn't stop to think about how odd that was. Mistake #3.
I opened the door instead of having Jeff open it (mistake #4) and died when a spoon-and-cat toy bomb fell to the ground. My twice-dead, lame ghost read the note to discover I had been the victim of Maki's posthumus revenge and the trechery of a certain Wisconsinite from Avery... Jon had solumnly sworn not to be involved in any plot to cause my demise (for Alley Assassins) in any way shape or form, because I risked my own safety and sanity by taking care of Elisabeth's cats for a few weeks. He claimed it was conditional on my giving Elisabeth my door combo so she could see the little terrors - which I promptly had done once I met my end the first time. I'd even reminded him of his promise a few weeks later. Oh, well, I guess believing him was Mistake #6.
Moral of the Story: Never trust anyone from Wisconsin.
At approximately nighttime, Sunday Evening (11-26), Jian-Yuan Thum of Upper P finishes her stint of longest-alive in-house target. Her assassin Adam writes:
Last night, I was hanging around the Cannes/Upper P kitchen while Kirsten was cooking chili, and noticed Jian Yuan got a bowl out of the cabinet. Figuring that she'd soon put it back, I thought of planting a bomb there. I didn't have any bomb materials on me, so Kirsten and I ran down to her room to prepare the infamous jingle-bells-string-and-tape-bomb. She tied the bells on to the string, and I taped the string onto the inside of the cabinet so that when Jian Yuan opened the cabinet, the bells fell out and struck the death blow. Her dying words were, "I wasn't paranoid enough." The cries of mourning from the Triple could be heard in Cannes.
At 9:00 p.m. Thursday Evening (11-30), the death of alum Kjerstin Easton heralds the end of Zombie Assassins. Her assassin Pino writes:
Tonight at Concert Band (9pm), Kjersten Easton was at rehearsal. During break, I took my chance, and placed my keys on her shoulder, along with a note. When she turned, they fell off and jangled (jingled?). I know it's a suicide, but what the hell- it's the end anyway.
More Tales of the Dead coming soon!
Check targets for who's dead.